Darkness, Impasse, and Freedom
The Death of Egoism is the Invitation to Unimagined Possibilities
Darkness is the place where egoism dies and true unselfish love for the “other” is set free. Moreover, it is the birthplace of a vision and a hope that cannot be imagined this side of darkness. — Constance FitzGerald, OCD, “Impasse and Dark Night”
Carmelite Sister Constance FitzGerald (b. 1934) is best known for her essay “Impasse and Dark Night” which explores the spirituality of Saint John of the Cross in the light of contemporary theological and social issues — in particular the challenges that feminists face in balancing their own experience with the patriarchal nature of contemporary Christianity, including dominant images of God in our secular and religious culture. In the more than 40 years since the essay was first published, if anything it seems that the experience of impasse — of a sense of being frozen or stuck by the intractable conflicts we face in our time — has grown greater and more urgent.
How do we meet the many impasses in our lives? To fight in what seems to be an un-winnable conflict seems pointless and counterproductive, but to surrender in the face of injustice and oppression is likewise unthinkable. Contemplative offers a counterintuitive third way: a position of radical trust that waiting and prayer is not a resignation, but rather a gesture of radical trust in the Spirit of Life, who meets us in our dereliction with unimagined possibilities for new life and new hope.
But the contemplative experience of impasses feels like dying. And we intuitively fight this: we fight to not die, which feels like a fight to stay alive. Only the radical trust of the contemplative can open a way where even the seeming experience of death becomes a transfiguring and transformational movement into new vision, new imagination, and a renewed sense of call.
To meet impasses with contemplative waiting is not the work of a beginner, although it can be asked of us at any time. It is truly impossible work: “but with God all things are possible.” Only by joyfully offering ourselves to union with the Spirit are we even capable of facing the immense darkness where impasse awaits us — but where new life waits beyond that.
