God Doesn't Want Your Help

But God does want something far more precious

My wife is a 2 on the Enneagram. 2s are known as “the Helper,” and that archetype fits my spouse well. She loves to be of assistance to people, and seems genuinely happy no matter how humble or unassuming a task might be, as long as she has a clear sense that her work is benefiting others (or the community at large). It’s one of many qualities I admire in her.

But sometimes I have to set gentle boundaries with her when I don’t particularly want to be helped. If I feel like I need to master a new skill, the last thing I want is for her (or anyone) to volunteer to do it for me. As problems in marriage go, this one is very small, but even so, over the years we’ve had to work through the “don’t help me unless I ask for it” principle — all while making it clear that despite this one little issue, I still think helpers are awesome people.

God is not asking for your help. God only wants you. God wants you to lock your eyes on God, allowing God to work within you. — The Cloud of Unknowing

Whenever I run into this passage from chapter two of The Cloud of Unknowing, I think of all the Enneagram 2s out there. Surely they are thinking, What do you mean, God doesn’t want our help? What kind of lousy idea is that?

But God isn’t just being snarky here, like a teenager snarling “Let me do it!” at their over-involved helicopter parent. God doesn’t want our “help” because God wants something more: God wants us.

Here’s the analogy. You’re single and you’d like to meet someone special, and you’re also hiring a key employee at your place of business. You meet someone and you immediately hit it off, and coincidentally they happen to be a great fit for the job opening. There’s a strict “no dating co-workers policy” — so what would you prefer? Do you try to get them to apply for the position, or do you hope for a relationship that goes so much deeper? (This analogy assumes that the person is not actively looking for a new job).

It’s beautiful to help people, especially when they are in need and want and appreciate the help. But if we get over-fixated on serving God, we might become distracted from the invitation to intimacy with God. Let’s always prioritize love, and then the to-do list will work itself out.

P.S. Full disclosure, in case anyone is wondering: on the Enneagram, I’m a 9, which is “the Peacemaker.”

Quotation source: The Cloud of Unknowing, chapter 2. Adapted for the sake of inclusive language from the translation by Carmen Acevedo Butcher.